California is here. I made it. Basically, in order to make it to today, my whole life had to be upended. I graduated, my hedgehog Oliver became terminally ill, I broke up with my boyfriend of over 5 years and then I packed up all my stuff, moved out of my apartment, sent 80% of it home, packed a suitcase and got on a plane to Big Sur for over a month of work, art, and healing. Here we go. Take a deep breath and jump.
-Listen to the same songs on repeat
-Just over and over
-And over and over again.
-forget how to eat like a functional person
-sleep a lot
-wake up feeling like I haven’t slept
-drink a lot of tea
-forget to eat
-keep listening to the same songs on repeat
Today is not going how I though it would go. I have texted my boyfriend asking if I can talk to him when he gets home. Looks like he won’t get home till like 9 and I can’t back out now. I don’t like this…
I leave for Esalen on Friday morning and to be honest, I am so thankful that I made this happen because if I wasn’t leaving I have no idea what I would do. This month… Well this year has been a giant challenge and the fact that I have lived and am now celebrating that by going to California to this beautiful place to heal, teach poetry, meet people, and work for two months is basically the best thing ever. Anyways, on Friday I am going to start another 30/30 because I think documenting the next month or so is going to be really important. It will be a month of recovery, healing, loving myself, and learning. Thank the gods for summer.
On another note, I need music to bring with me and listen to on the plane. Any suggestions?
All my love
Woke up exhausted and sad. Weird.